When I came home today, I was checking my empty fucking mail box when one of my neighbours came out and asked if I wanted all the food in his fridge. After looking at him like 'oh yeah, I'm gonna fall for that one', I said sure and I got a bunch a food from him. It's probably laced with cyanide or something. Or he spit in it. It's all unopened, but I think there's a way to open shit and reseal them after you spit in them. I think he's moving far away and he's selling all his wordly possesions. Or maybe he joined one of those weird cults where you can't own anything. Not even your clothes, you have to run out into a field naked and burn them all. Or maybe he's a terrorist and he's dumpimg all his shit before heading out on his mission. After all, you can't take any of your shit with you on your way to valhallastan or wherever they go after blowing up blaspheming infidels.

Holy shit, what did they put in my Big Gulp???